Painting the Roses Red
“We’re painting the roses red, We’re painting the roses red,” that’s the songthat 
has been going through my head as I walk around town watching people set up Chritsmas trees in fron to f the various ministries and other government buildings. The other night I saw soldiers stringing lights on all the pine trees in front of the KGB building, 2 young men on top of a 
cherry picker, fastening the lights to the top of the tree and two other soldiers on the ground guiding the strings down to the trunk, making sure the lights were in a straight line. It reminded me of 
the card soldiers painting the white roses red in Wonderland, for the queen didn’t like white roses. Here the mandate has come from on high that all government buildings must have a tree out in front and the big pine trees that line the streets must be decorated. A rather benign 
mandate and it makes the city look more festive than it already is. Many of the trees are fake ones, metal frames wrapped with green fuzzy plastic or the usual bristly plastic branches, but a few are made up of real pine. They have a special metal Xmas tree frame and shove branches or
even small trees into the frame sideways so you get this nice, fragrant bushy tree rising to the sky. The official government tree, sort of like the one in Rockefeller Center, is being put up in front of the circus and is by far the tallest one in town. I saw them constructing it the 
other night and wonder how far they’ve gotten in their decorating. Should take a walk by and see. Many of the trees are done very neat and orderly and some are festooned rather sloppily with crooked 
garlands and lights, as if the men put in charge of decorating didn’t give a rat’s ass. I wonder if there is a prize for the best looking tree? Will the dear president walk around with a phalanx of flunkies, clasping clipboards and making notes of his comments on each tree, like some uber-important group of ladies judging a pie contest at a county fair? Will heads roll for sloppily decorated trees? I doubt that will happen, but here in Wonderland anything is possible.
Yesterday was Neutrality Day, the day when the UN officially recognized
Turkmenistan’s neutrality back in 1995. Neutrality is a core component of the Turkmen constitution and the government prides itself on it. It basically means that Turkmenistan will not get involved in any wars or conflicts with its neighbors, sort of like the Switzerland of
Central Asia. It was a lovely day for a walk so I decided to walk the town and see what exciting things were happening in honor of this holiday. Was there going to be a mass love fest with an appearance by my friend the president at one of the giant stadiums? Could I get a ticket and join the festively clothed masses clapping monotonously in unison? Would flags be waving in the breeze as the sun shone down on the glorious capital of 
Turkmenistan? No, no and no, nothing. I was rather surprised to see practically no one on the streets at all as I made my way through parks and up the wide boulevard that is Neutrality Street to the 40-legged statues (10 horses standing on a giant rock) and on to the “Disneyland” park
and then to the Olympic center to find out about swimming in their pool. Hey Turkmens work 6 days a week and only have Sundays off, so I’m sure most people just wanted to stay at home and enjoy the 
extra day off. Plus Turkmens don’t like the cold so I’m sure many thought that it was too cold to go outside. Not I. I walked the streets happily taking pictures along the way, enjoying the fresh air and the beauty around me. There were lovers in the park, sitting on benches talking or walking down the tree lined alleys. I caught one guy making out with his girlfriend behind a bush, which made me happy to see people acting like human beings here. Actually there’s a lot of sex in cars that happens here, especially by the park by my house. My friend Kerim pointed it out to me one day as we were walking through the park, which surprised me but also made me happy that people 
were getting some action here in this repressive country. So 1950’s.
Being mostly the only person on the street, I really did feel like Alice in Wonderland, walking through parks as if I was about to come along the caterpillar on a mushroom amid the trees or the Mad Hatter’s tea party. With portraits of the president everywhere and gold domed buildings there is something surreal about this place. Happiness inside a hermetically sealed jar, keeping the reality of the world outside and living in a
world of façade-like beauty. Where spectacular white marble buildings glisten with gold fronts and sparkling chandeliers hang in the lobbies inside, where fountains run all year round, all hours of the day and lights shine through parks magically. Yet nothing happens in many of these grand buildings like the Ashgabat movie theater or the drama theater; there is someone guarding the outside telling you that you can’t go in or you have to be someone special to get inside. It’s sort of like those people who buy nice furniture and don’t let you sit on it when you come over for they don’t want oyu to get it dirty. What’s the point of having all this then? Grand buildings and beautiful parks don’t pay the 
bills of the average Turkmen but I guess it keeps them happy. Is this what it feels to take Prozac? Who needs an anti-depressant when you can live in Ashgabat surrounded by beauty. So I guess that’s what neutrality is, shutting yourself off from the rest of the world, keeping out any contact with it by censoring the press, blocking the Internet and TV stations and give citizens one newspaper called “Neutral Turkmenistan” which is basically a recap of what the president did the previous day, with staged pictures. Like an ostrich with its head in the sand, Turkmenistan has decided to ignore the rest of us, but maybe that’s a good thing in the long run. Hey isolation has worked well for North Korea 
for so many years right? Who am I to decide what’s right and wrong for a nation, I’m just an educator plopped down in this place for a short time, not a politician.
The goal of my walk was to get to the Olympic Center to find out about swimming
hours, which I did. I went to the grand entrance with its gold bust of Turkmenbashy only to find out I had to walk around to the back to get in the place. In order to swim here, I need a certificate from a dermatologist that I don’t have any skin disease and from my family doctor saying I am in fit condition to swim. Now how I go about that is going to be fun. I’m 
sure I can just pay a doctor for a spravka as cerificates are called here. These hurdles are important for me because if I don’t get in a routine of swimming, I’ll go completely bananas. After all that, I went to a salsa class that was organized by a guy from the embassy. He, Andrew, has a Sunday night salsa dance party every week that I’ve been meaning to go to since I got here but haven’t. I’m not a huge salsa fan but here there aren’t a lot of dance venues and God help me if I have to spend all my time in the techno land of the nightclub Florida, so maybe I’ll just make it a regular thing. Exercise, being social, having fun, maybe I’ll start a contra dance here too. Hmmmmm.
has been going through my head as I walk around town watching people set up Chritsmas trees in fron to f the various ministries and other government buildings. The other night I saw soldiers stringing lights on all the pine trees in front of the KGB building, 2 young men on top of a 
cherry picker, fastening the lights to the top of the tree and two other soldiers on the ground guiding the strings down to the trunk, making sure the lights were in a straight line. It reminded me of 
the card soldiers painting the white roses red in Wonderland, for the queen didn’t like white roses. Here the mandate has come from on high that all government buildings must have a tree out in front and the big pine trees that line the streets must be decorated. A rather benign 
mandate and it makes the city look more festive than it already is. Many of the trees are fake ones, metal frames wrapped with green fuzzy plastic or the usual bristly plastic branches, but a few are made up of real pine. They have a special metal Xmas tree frame and shove branches or
even small trees into the frame sideways so you get this nice, fragrant bushy tree rising to the sky. The official government tree, sort of like the one in Rockefeller Center, is being put up in front of the circus and is by far the tallest one in town. I saw them constructing it the 
other night and wonder how far they’ve gotten in their decorating. Should take a walk by and see. Many of the trees are done very neat and orderly and some are festooned rather sloppily with crooked 
garlands and lights, as if the men put in charge of decorating didn’t give a rat’s ass. I wonder if there is a prize for the best looking tree? Will the dear president walk around with a phalanx of flunkies, clasping clipboards and making notes of his comments on each tree, like some uber-important group of ladies judging a pie contest at a county fair? Will heads roll for sloppily decorated trees? I doubt that will happen, but here in Wonderland anything is possible.Yesterday was Neutrality Day, the day when the UN officially recognized
Turkmenistan’s neutrality back in 1995. Neutrality is a core component of the Turkmen constitution and the government prides itself on it. It basically means that Turkmenistan will not get involved in any wars or conflicts with its neighbors, sort of like the Switzerland of
Central Asia. It was a lovely day for a walk so I decided to walk the town and see what exciting things were happening in honor of this holiday. Was there going to be a mass love fest with an appearance by my friend the president at one of the giant stadiums? Could I get a ticket and join the festively clothed masses clapping monotonously in unison? Would flags be waving in the breeze as the sun shone down on the glorious capital of 
Turkmenistan? No, no and no, nothing. I was rather surprised to see practically no one on the streets at all as I made my way through parks and up the wide boulevard that is Neutrality Street to the 40-legged statues (10 horses standing on a giant rock) and on to the “Disneyland” park
and then to the Olympic center to find out about swimming in their pool. Hey Turkmens work 6 days a week and only have Sundays off, so I’m sure most people just wanted to stay at home and enjoy the 
extra day off. Plus Turkmens don’t like the cold so I’m sure many thought that it was too cold to go outside. Not I. I walked the streets happily taking pictures along the way, enjoying the fresh air and the beauty around me. There were lovers in the park, sitting on benches talking or walking down the tree lined alleys. I caught one guy making out with his girlfriend behind a bush, which made me happy to see people acting like human beings here. Actually there’s a lot of sex in cars that happens here, especially by the park by my house. My friend Kerim pointed it out to me one day as we were walking through the park, which surprised me but also made me happy that people 
were getting some action here in this repressive country. So 1950’s.Being mostly the only person on the street, I really did feel like Alice in Wonderland, walking through parks as if I was about to come along the caterpillar on a mushroom amid the trees or the Mad Hatter’s tea party. With portraits of the president everywhere and gold domed buildings there is something surreal about this place. Happiness inside a hermetically sealed jar, keeping the reality of the world outside and living in a
world of façade-like beauty. Where spectacular white marble buildings glisten with gold fronts and sparkling chandeliers hang in the lobbies inside, where fountains run all year round, all hours of the day and lights shine through parks magically. Yet nothing happens in many of these grand buildings like the Ashgabat movie theater or the drama theater; there is someone guarding the outside telling you that you can’t go in or you have to be someone special to get inside. It’s sort of like those people who buy nice furniture and don’t let you sit on it when you come over for they don’t want oyu to get it dirty. What’s the point of having all this then? Grand buildings and beautiful parks don’t pay the 
bills of the average Turkmen but I guess it keeps them happy. Is this what it feels to take Prozac? Who needs an anti-depressant when you can live in Ashgabat surrounded by beauty. So I guess that’s what neutrality is, shutting yourself off from the rest of the world, keeping out any contact with it by censoring the press, blocking the Internet and TV stations and give citizens one newspaper called “Neutral Turkmenistan” which is basically a recap of what the president did the previous day, with staged pictures. Like an ostrich with its head in the sand, Turkmenistan has decided to ignore the rest of us, but maybe that’s a good thing in the long run. Hey isolation has worked well for North Korea 
for so many years right? Who am I to decide what’s right and wrong for a nation, I’m just an educator plopped down in this place for a short time, not a politician.The goal of my walk was to get to the Olympic Center to find out about swimming
hours, which I did. I went to the grand entrance with its gold bust of Turkmenbashy only to find out I had to walk around to the back to get in the place. In order to swim here, I need a certificate from a dermatologist that I don’t have any skin disease and from my family doctor saying I am in fit condition to swim. Now how I go about that is going to be fun. I’m 
sure I can just pay a doctor for a spravka as cerificates are called here. These hurdles are important for me because if I don’t get in a routine of swimming, I’ll go completely bananas. After all that, I went to a salsa class that was organized by a guy from the embassy. He, Andrew, has a Sunday night salsa dance party every week that I’ve been meaning to go to since I got here but haven’t. I’m not a huge salsa fan but here there aren’t a lot of dance venues and God help me if I have to spend all my time in the techno land of the nightclub Florida, so maybe I’ll just make it a regular thing. Exercise, being social, having fun, maybe I’ll start a contra dance here too. Hmmmmm.
posted by Tom T at 7:36 PM
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